Hoes Gon’ Be Hoes: Featuring Robin Wright

A rich white woman says stupid shit today. I know, I know. Today, fire continued to be hot, water continued to be wet, the St. Louis Rams continued to be a terrible football team. Robin Wright, who we old fogies might remember as Buttercup in the Princess Bride, Jenny in Forrest Gump (damn near a documentary on female nature), and most recently Claire Underwood in House of Cards, called for a female revolution and a female Che Guevara to lead it. But let Buttercup herself tell it:

‘We need a revolution, we really do,’ declares Robin Wright. ‘Thank God gender equality is finally being talked about and making news, but we need a female Che Guevara.’

Set aside the fact that Buttercup seems to either not know, or not appreciate (she’s a hoe, why would she need to know history?) that revolutions tend to violent, brutal, and usually end with the wrong people seizing power, let’s instead deal with this notion of a “female Ernesto “Che” Guevara.”

Che Guevara was a piece of shit.

The myth of Che Guevara, enforced by the police state he helped Fidel Castro create, and the Soviet Union he so greatly admired, would have the world believe that Che was a mish-mash of Mao Tsetung, Buddha, Robin Hood, and Byron all rolled into a tragically misunderstood ally of the poor.

In the wake of the Marxist overthrow of the Batista government, Che, pulling generously from the playbook of his idol, Josef Stalin, established the first Cuban gulag Guanahacabibes. The list of “crimes” for which one could be imprisoned at the first of many these Guevaran hellholes was disrespect for authority, laziness, and playing loud music. Eventually, Guevara’s Guanahacabibes model was expanded to other parts of Cuba, along with the list of prisoners: homosexuals, Afro-Cubans, Catholics, and dissidents in general under UMAP (Unidades Militares de Ayuda a la Producción)

Che Guevara was the “chief prosecutor” at the La Cabana fortress who oversaw the “trials” of accused enemies of the revolution. In trials that would make a Jacobin blush and a Bolshevik beam with pride, Guevara oversaw the executions of several thousand people.

Che Guevara attempted to provoke a nuclear war between the United States and Cuba. Yes, that is correct, Che Guevara thought “the Cuban people” (those who survived the nuclear holocaust) would be best served by having their island completely irradiated by American nukes. Thankfully, Kennedy was a pussy and Kruschev got the American missiles out of Turkey, so sanity prevailed and Che felt betrayed. How dare those Russians not blow up the world in the name of the people’s glorious revolution!

This is just a brief sample of Che’s “good work” in Cuba, without ever touching on his megalomaniacal forays into Africa and South America which would blessedly be his end. And women need a Che Guevara, herd the enemies of the Vaginal Revolution into gulags to be worked to death, or maybe just lined up against the wall and shot. Or maybe she thinks female Che would just lead a few Slutwalks and all of the evil men would give up power upon seeing the error of their Patriarchal ways. Then women could take their rightful places and the gods of this fallen world.

But wait! Robin Wright has even more goofy shit she’d like to say!

It is a man’s world. Most industries are a man’s world. But when you break it down… it’s women [who do the work]. But they don’t necessarily get the credit. I think we know how to do house-cleaning very well, in more ways than one.’

What the ever-loving hell does “we know how to do house-cleaning very well” even mean? Is this goofy bitch scrubbing toilets? Cleaning windows? Patching walls? Industries requiring some level of physical labor or rational thinking are a man’s world and probably the last world where men can actually get shit done in the absence of women’s deleterious influence. But by all means, if Robin Wright wants to assume her place on the oil rig or in a lumber mill, don’t let me stop her. But you can’t keep society functioning from the comfort of an air-conditioned office in this month’s newest Jimmy Choo’s while you seek emotional validation on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Tinder and whatever other electronic crutch exists.

I do believe in feminism, yes,’ she nods. ‘But that is not to deny the biological differences. They [men] are stronger in some ways, we are stronger in some ways. We have better tactical talents than they do in some ways, and they [have better ones] in others, and that is why we are a great balance.’

The truth, wrapped up in a nugget of female bullshit. She’s happy to let the feminists shit on, vilify, and attack men, but please, continue to do the hard work that keeps society functioning, because men are “stronger.” Robin is right (get it? Ha? No? Forget you then). Men are stronger because we have to be. The world doesn’t give a shit if we cry. The world doesn’t give a shit if we hurt. The world doesn’t tell us how “strong” and “empowered” we are. The world slaps a man in the face, tells him to rub some dirt on it, and go forth to take what he wants if he has the strength of will to do it. But most crucial is that WOMEN demand that men be stronger. Women don’t respect men they perceive as weaker than themselves. Women don’t lust after men they perceive as weaker than themselves. Women don’t even have the decency to show grace and courtesy to a man they perceive as weaker than themselves.

You know what? Bring on the revolution and the female Che Guevara. Let’s see how well that works out for you, Princess. But don’t look for Wesley, Forrest, or Frank to save you.

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