Jackie Meets Connor: A Brief Thought On Women, Revenge, and Simps

On October 15, 2015, Jackie Coakley, of the Rolling Stone/UVA rape debacle, married Connor McGovern in Stafford, Virginia. If you don’t remember her, she claimed that she was raped on a broken glass table for three hours by some dude with the fan fiction name of “Haven Monahan” and his fellow fraternity brothers, except it was all bullshit.

Here’s a photo of the happy couple.


I won’t rehash all of the gaudy details of the story but the bullet points to keep in mind are, Coakley lied, there is no such person as “Haven Monahan,” Sabrina Erdley being a disciple of “Believe Her-ism” rushed to publish without fact-checking, and now, lots of people are being sued for lots of money. But this will be more opinion than a dry recitation of facts.

Some men, upon disassociating from women, or minimizing their exposure to women, have some comforting fantasies that women in general will suffer for lack of them personally, or that their ex will experience some form of karmic retribution for her bad acts. It makes men feel better, a kind of salve on the wounds of the soul left by a woman. It is fed by the natural desire that those who have wronged us pay for their crimes. These ideas might soothe a man’s soul, but the reality is much different. In truth, women rarely suffer long-term misfortunes for their bad acts; no matter how much a woman lies, no matter how much carnage she leaves in her wake, no matter how many lives she destroys, a woman will never truly suffer the weight of wrongdoings, because there will always be a Connor McGovern waiting in the wings to pick her up, dust her off, put on his cape, and save a ho.

But what fuels the simp to save ho? Connor is not a bad looking guy, he could do better than a lying loon who is obsessed with somebody raping a chubby Becky. So what gives here? Without knowing Connor personally, I can only draw on past experience with other simps. The foundation of simp-thinking is a craving for female approval. Mother’s approval, grandmother’s approval, schoolmarm/teacher’s approval, girlfriend’s approval, girlfriend’s friends’ approval, wife’s approval, wife’s friends’ approval, etc. On this foundation is where we get to where the simp mentality is dangerous because simps, when dealing with women, view women in one of two ways: “You Don’t Know Her Like I Know Her” and “I Can Change/Heal/Fix Her.”

You Don’t Know Her Like I Know Her

This argument is rooted in willful ignorance combined with naivete. The man essentially waves away any fact contrary to his perception of his little love-muffin. She could be the reincarnation of Elizabeth Bathory (Hungarian countess, most prolific female serial killer in history) and her loving simp’s response? You don’t know her like I know her. Sure, she kills young women and bathes in their blood, but we have some really special moments together and she’s nice to me sometimes, therefore you’re wrong. I exaggerate for emphasis, but you should get the idea. In Jackie’s case, she told a whooper of a fib that has thrown a (sort of) major magazine, her own alma mater, and a national fraternal organization, and a group of men into a legal and financial maelstrom that probably won’t be resolved for years because she decided to concoct a lie about her dream-rape lover, Haven Monahan. After throwing this grenade into everyone’s collective lap, she waltzes off to get married on the beach to Connor, who, unless she’s already banned him from using the internet, knows her history, the type of lie she is willing to tell, and her willingness to let it run its natural course, and still feels comfortable entering into a legal arrangement with her that puts him in financial peril for years, to say nothing if she decides one day that Connor “raped” her when he didn’t bring the groceries in.

I Can Change Her

This is closely related to “You Don’t Know Her Like I Know Her.” The two have plenty of overlap but are distinct. In the first case, a man accepts any amount of bad behavior on some misguided sense of affection. In the latter instance, the man acknowledges the bad behavior, but tolerates it on the mistaken belief that he can love and tolerate her out of the bad behavior. What the simp, with more love than sense doesn’t know, is that you cannot save the unwilling from themselves. If a man is an alcoholic and is fine with being an alcoholic, no amount of “don’t you want to change for me” will make them abandon their inebriated affair with Jack Daniels. The “I Can Change Her” crowd has a variety of tactics at their disposal, which I won’t elaborate on, but ultimately, they fail for one reason: the person they’re trying to “save” admits to no wrongdoing. I have no idea what Jackie and Connor might discuss in their private moments, but she has never publically admitted to lying. It was actual investigative journalism (rather than the chant of “Listen and Believe”) that exposed Jackie Coakley. But the simp will tolerate the lies, and the usually belligerent defense of the lies because he sees the light at the end of the tunnel: a girl who will love him the way he wants to be loved. He protects this hopeful delusion with the arrogance that he has the capability to overcome a woman’s nature and make her be what he wants despite her wishes and behavior to the contrary.

If either of these two appear familiar, they should because they are how females typically treat their relationships with their bad boy lust-object boyfriends. The biker, the surfer, the aspiring rockstar, the guy who beats them, cheats on them, steals their money, embarrasses them in public, lies to them, women have every excuse in the world for them, including the two above. The ultimate failure of the simp is that he thinks like a woman. If a woman wanted to be with someone who thought like a woman, she could get another woman just as easily as she could a man.

Which brings us back to the mistake of fantasizing that women are suffering. Women will never suffer so long as there are good little simps out there like Connor McGovern, cape securely fastened, ready and willing to clean up after them. Even beyond Connor, there are simps with badges, simps with black robes, simps in elected office, simps in civil service, simps in the corporate media, all dying to save hoes. Forget about the Jackie Coakleys of the world getting their comeuppance. The best thing any man could do is worry about his own happiness and betterment.


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P.S. The happy couple have a wedding registry. And a baby registry. Connor is a much better man than I am, being so willing to raise Haven Monahan’s baby. And don’t get them a divorce attorney’s number. I already sent that.



7 thoughts on “Jackie Meets Connor: A Brief Thought On Women, Revenge, and Simps

  1. I don’t know if he’s a simp for this, when you talk about putting on the cape it’s usually for an “Instagram model” type girl, a thot if you will, not an unbalanced woman who created a web of lies to try to get the object of her obsession. Apples and oranges, I’d say.

    Not that this isn’t on it’s surface waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more scary than simple simping. It’s just not the same thing. A completely different set of issues.


  2. From my own decades of observing male/female dynamics of this type, I say you’re right-on with this analysis, There’s both culture and biology at the root of this behavior.

    Nearly all girls as they go through childhood have princess fantasies of being a dancer, singer, actress or some other attention-rich focal point of admiration and envy. Some never grow out of it. Nearly all boys as they go through childhood express a desire to be a superhero-type marine sniper, fighter pilot, policeman, fireman, Navy Seal, pro athlete, or some other attention-rich focal point of admiration and envy. Some never grow out of this.

    The princess syndrome in women is rarely put to constructive use in personal or public life since it’s the ultimate expression of self-worship. The superhero syndrome in boys can be productive and constructive for society if intelligence and competence accompany development of the boy. The princess syndrome comes to actual fruition so rarely as to be classified nearly always as illogical and irrational in contrast to the superhero syndrome which is actually a fairly obtainable path for boys so inclined. Perhaps you see where this is going: Jackie has a particularly toxic case of princess syndrome and Connor has a self-harming level of superhero syndrome. In this sense, they’re the perfect couple. For now, until reality bitch-slaps him in the face right about the time she bitch-slaps him in the face for not fulfilling her princess fantasy. Which is now his role in life, no exceptions tolerated.

    Without knowing more details about the lead-up to the nuptials, I’m guessing Connor got himself into a jam courtesy of the little brain and magnanimously stepped up to do the chivalry thing, thinking if it doesn’t work out he can always divorce her. The questions are did Jackie–graduate of a prestigious university– not remember to take her pills for 60 days? Does she not know basic biology facts such as that sperm and egg unite after the sex act to create a new child? I’m guessing she didn’t forget and that she does know. Meaning, Connor, old buddy, you just got owned. Literally and figuratively owned, you poor dumb bastard. I’ll be astonished if this marital/martial train wreck lasts longer than 5 years. He’s going to get sick of her shit sooner rather than later, is my bet.


  3. Worth noting: Jackie is not a UVA graduate. She left and did not return, AFAIK. But yes, Connor is, in the end, nearly as bat-shit crazy as Jackie herself. Who’s about to be a mother? Dear Lord protect us.


    • Yup… Reminds me of the congratulatory toast given upon the occasion of the wedding of Thomas Carlyle and Jane Welsh, forming perhaps the most wretched marriage in the history of nuptials, by his friend Samuel Butler. Feel free to subsitute “Conner” and “Jackie” where appropriate:

      It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle marry one another, and so make only two people miserable and not four.
      — Samuel Butler


  4. Looking at her wedding registry, I see that NO ONE bought ONE thing for her. Also, how many damn welcome mats do you need? And why are you asking for paw print Pandora charm on your wedding registry? I also find it amusing that most of the items are hundreds of dollars, some even a thousand.


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