A paid shill for the Independent explains “Nice Guy Syndrome” and inadvertently explains why you should not be nice to women.
Men who complain that they are unlucky in love despite their ‘nice guy’ persona may have a sinister agenda.
The so-called ‘Nice Guy’, the often physically unattractive man who overcompensates with clingy and over-the-top behaviour to women, is relentlessly mocked online.
Dr Robert Glover, who’s studied the issue, says these men are often trying to form “covert contracts” with the target of their affections.
Emotional blackmail is generally a woman’s tactic (of the FOG type [Fear, Obligation, Guilt]). They recognize the tactic are prepared to resist it.
Psychologist Dr Jesse Marczyk told The Independent: “The men who tend to get stuck in the friend-zone might not be attractive enough on their own (physically, socially, or otherwise), and so try to compensate for their shortcomings by investing in women more than their peers. In other words, they might use kindness to try and make up for what they lack elsewhere.”
IF you can’t tickle that nerve running from her lizard brain straight to her vagina, and your (socio-economic)branch isn’t higher than the one she’s on now, trying to buy her pussy with “good boy points” is like trying to buy a Porsche with arcade tickets from Chuck E. Cheese.
The idea is that if you meet someone’s needs without them having to ask, they should meet yours. Ergo if a man is nice to a woman, she should repay him by becoming his girlfriend, because that’s obviously how these things work.
Dr Glover said: “Others typically do not realise these contracts exist and are often surprised when the Nice Guy lashes out at their failure to keep their end of the deal.”
Why would a “nice guy” lash out? Surely its not because women are telling men that they should try to nice their way into pussy.
Examples of Nice Guy behaviour include:
Performing kind gestures with the sole motive of seducing a woman.
Grab’em by the pussy (rhetorically-speaking). Make your intentions known from the outset.
“Look, bitch, you fine and I dig yo style, come fuck wit a nigga, do it, doggy-style.”
Tell them that it’s fuck or walk.
Insisting the reason they were rejected is “women like bad boys”
Stating facts is “nice guy syndrome.” I guess these are all “nice guys”:
eHarmony: 4 Reasons Women are Attracted to ‘Bad Boys’
Bustle: 5 Reasons Women Like Bad Boys (Sometimes)
Maxim: Why Women Love Bad Boys, According to Science
PsychologyToday: Why Do Women Fall for Bad Boys?
Daily Mail: Women Really Do Love Bad Boys: Narcissists and Psychopaths Win More Dates (but they won’t stick around for long)
Jet: Why Women Love Bad Boys!
Huffington Post: The Attraction to Bad Boys Explained
But it’s just “manipulative men with nice guy syndrome” making the shit up and the grapes really are sour.
Keep running with that theory.
Believing showing basic human decency and manners makes them especially “nice.”
If men treated women they way they treated other men, the women would collectively howl in anguish about how “mean” men are.
Basic human decency is a low standard. All it requires is that I don’t take things from you to which I have no rational claim, and that I don’t club you over the head unless you try for me first.
Complaining about the difference between what women claim to want in a man and the men they actually go for.
Again, as with the bad boys issue, the writer is not disproving the claim (women say they want one thing, but use their purses and their pussies to indicate their desires lie elsewhere, i.e. Women are Liars), she’s just implying that men shouldn’t talk about it.
For the most recent example of the phenomenon, compare and contrast the “DadBod” and the propaganda against male physical fitness with the overnight financial success of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise.
With their mouths, they say they want a pot-bellied pansy of a hubby; their wallets and their pussies vote for rich, chiseled, bad boy with a sex dungeon in his penthouse.
And when things don’t go their way, they often complain that they’ve been “friend-zoned” despite the target of their affections never being interested in the first place.
Of course, there are also plenty of genuinely nice guys (and girls) who don’t have a sinister side to their kindness and find themselves in the dreaded friend-zone.
According to Professor Adam Grant, although being nice may not get you what you want in the short-term, it could pay off after all because people will want your help further down the line.
Be a nice guy until cupcake has had her fun and taken a country mile of dick that isn’t yours. Then when she’s fucked out, sucked out, and looking for a handout, you’ll be there; a nice safe cushion onto which she can leap off the carousel ride of her short-sighted, atavistic mating preferences.
Sounds great. Where do I sign up to be a woman’s consolation prize/life raft?
Whilst it may be that the object of your affections is only interested in friendship, Dr Marczyk believes that if you find yourself feeling resentful about being in the ‘friend-zone’, you need to change yourself to increase your chances of getting out.
I have a better solution: If she’s not fucking you, put her in the “Next” pile and move on with your life. Don’t call her, don’t speak to her, disregard her existence and go find the women who will fuck you.
First, make yourself more attractive to the person you like: “Go to the gym, groom yourself more, get a good job, increase your social status; generally do more of the things that person finds attractive. When you bring more to the table yourself, your options improve,” he explains.
Bring your lady love more things: Bring her more emotional stimulation with your physique, bring her more status with your appearance, bring her more resources with your good job, and “increase your social status” (pretty blatant admission of HYPERGAMY).
If changing your lifestyle is too much time and energy, there’s another option, according to Marczyk: “Alternatively, make your intentions clear from the start and if they aren’t returned, don’t wait around.”
He says that you can avoid the friend-zone by avoiding the friendships altogether: “One reason nice guys will stick around is because the less nice ones won’t tolerate their desires not being returned and settling for less than they want.”
I’m not even a doctor of psychology and I got to that answer before Dr. Marczyk.
Make your intentions known, put the woman on the spot, force her to either definitively accept your intentions or reject them while expending as few of your resources as possible (time, money, emotions).
But couldn’t you just learn to be happy in the friend-zone? “Usually, you won’t be,” Marczyk reveals. “By definition here, one party wants more from the relationship than they’re realistically going to get. That’s a formula for disappointment.”
This is the fundamental difference between to so-called “nice guy” and the not nice guy (I won’t use the term bad boy because it doesn’t apply to non-nice guys):
A nice guy will allow women to waste his time, waste his money, and waste his emotional resources on the hope that maybe, just MAYBE, she will reward him with some affection…and pussy.
A non-nice guy tells women that he has better things to do with his time than invest his resources in a woman and NOT get what he wants and that she is an option to him, not a necessity.
Of course, it’s not unheard of for a person to develop romantic feelings for a friend – when you get on well already, sometimes all it takes is time (or possibly alcohol) for you to see someone in a new light.
After all, don’t rom-coms teach us that ‘the one’ is usually the one who was there all along?
And then the movie is over and everybody goes home.