Hoes Gon Be Hoes: Featuring Clementine Ford


Oh My Darling, Clementine.

She’s back again with more…whatever she mistakenly believes to be rhetoric.

Buddha bless her little heart. At least she tries.

There’s a certain dialect that has evolved on the Internet that embodies the most petulant of childish behaviour – the linguistic equivalent of your sibling waving their finger two inches from your face while shrieking, “you can’t stop me, I’m not touching you!”

Yes. It’s called “ironic misandry.”

Donald Trump does it when he shouts FAKE NEWS at any media coverage that presents him unfavourably. It’s the language of calling people “snowflakes” when they raise objections to inhumanity or bigotry.

Or when snowflakes like Clementine Ford accuse Ben Fordham of things he never said or did.

(Sidebar: there’s a delicious irony in the fact the people who sneer words like “triggered”, “snowflakes” and “safe space” are the same people who run hashtagged searches and Google alerts so they can lash out at anything that challenges their cocoon of entitlement.)

You keep using that word, irony. I do not think you know what it means.

Professional propagandists, gossips, scolds, and scandal-mongers like Clementine Ford go about their work with a complete lack of either conscience or self-awareness that keeping track of their bullshit could be full-time job if anyone were willing to pay for the service.

It’s the practice of calling women who stand up for themselves “feminazis” or “misandric beasts” and accusing the men who support them of being “cucks” or “white knight manginas”.

It’s the practice of calling men who stand up for themselves “man-babies” or “misogynists and accusing the women who support them of being “fucking cunts” or “morons.”

There’s an awful lot of glass in that house from which Clem is throwing stones.

All this is par for the course when dealing with deeply insecure and emotionally stunted men online. In my book, I dedicate a whole chapter to breaking down these insults and what we can say in response. I called that chapter “Dicktionary”, but like all good language guides it needs updating every so often. With that in mind, here are some new entries.

Aww, Clem is shilling for her bullshit book. Got it.

1. “You must be fun at parties.”

This is a more casual way of saying someone (usually a woman) is an uptight, boner-killing enemy of joy who patrols the streets (metaphorical or otherwise) looking for shindigs to ruin by projectile vomiting frustrated feminist hatred all over the walls. Being not-fun at parties is a bad, buzz-kill kind of thing to be. Cool Girls know how to be fun at parties and life in general, and it basically involves never challenging male behaviour or attitudes and absolutely never, without exception, ever being so unchill as to tell a man you find his jokes about rape gross and predatory.

I’ve had “you must be fun at parties” thrown at me almost as frequently as I’ve been told my ironic joke about building a cannon to fire men into sun (which I tweeted after being informed I wouldn’t stop until all men in the world were fired) was Deadly Serious and the height of man-hating.

You keep using that word, irony. I do not think you know what it means.

Isn’t it interesting how some men think there are no topics that should be off-limits when it comes to comedy, except when the topic is them? It’s almost as if being reduced to ridiculous stereotypes about how useless they are upsets them in some way.

The majority of comedians spend their careers making fun of themselves, their own flaws, their own foibles and missteps in life.

But sure, anonymous young man living on the Internet’s treacherous edge: I guess if your idea of a good time is sitting around telling jokes about how women belong in the kitchen making you a sandwich and laughing about how funny rape and domestic violence are, then I’m probably not going to be much fun at your party. And I am 100 per cent okay with that, because your party sounds like it should be taking place in prison.

So wait, are we talking about parties (actual social gatherings)? Or are we talking about the Internet? Wasn’t Clem the one mocking people about maintaining Google Alerts to stay updated about things they don’t like? And yet, Clem is trawling the “Internet’s treacherous edge” for the latest in “make me a sammich” jokes and “rape and domestic violence” humor?

Clem lives a world of hypocrisy more than one of irony.

2. “Unrapeable.”

It sounds almost impossible to believe, but some men interchangeably view rape as something they can use to threaten you with and something they can deny you.

Over the last decade, I’ve been told more times than I can count that I either deserve a good raping (in a variety of different ways – having a dick shoved in my mouth to shut me up is a popular choice) or that I’m mad because no one would ever rape me.

Last week, I read a comment from someone suggesting that the reason I hate men is probably because I’ve been raped AND ALSO because I can’t find a man who wants to “root” me.

Regardless, it’s pretty creepy that there are men out there who truly believe their sexual attention is so vital to a woman’s self esteem that she considers sexual assault something to aspire to.

Whenever one of these rancid toilet brushes throws this at me, I always ask him if he spends a lot of time thinking about the women he would and wouldn’t rape. This seems to confuse and anger him which, to be fair, is sort of his natural state anyway.

It’s just “Ironic Misogyny”, Clem.

Naturally, the feminist who makes it her mission to drag public discourse into the gutter and then sanitize those actions by claiming to be “ironic” has significant troubles with people using her tactics against her.

If your whole raison d’etre is to provoke emotional reactions from people, you have no legitimate grounds for objection when someone tries to provoke one from you.

“Ironic misandry” vs. “Unrapeable.” You both deserve each other.

3. “Daddy issues”

It never ceases to amaze me how many angry, hateful misogynists seem to think good fatherhood is about raising self-hating daughters. If you’re a woman who stands up for herself and her rights, a woman who believes that she has value and that she’s worth being treated like an equal, you must only be like that because your father either ignored or abandoned you; or, as I’m also told, paid you too much of the bad kind of attention (note that this attention is never considered bad when it comes from strange men on the street).

Clem just knocked that man of straw down faster than Amanda Nunes knocked down Ronda Rousey.

Good work, Clem. Your value is that you are the Strawmanweight Champion of the Internet. Wear it with pride.

It never occurs to these men that good fathers raise strong daughters, and that this good fathering doesn’t include teaching girls that they deserve be made the butt of retro-sexist jokes that do nothing but reinforce the false economy of male power.

I agree. Good fathers raise strong daughters. All father should take their daughters to the gym and teach them proper squat form.

I get as tired of reading these empty affirmations of the Feminist faith as I’m sure Clem is of writing them.

But again, these men are often the same ones who insist fathers are given a raw deal and that feminists trash their good names as leverage against them in custody battles.

Laying false charges against an opponent in a custody dispute. That never happens.

A mother has been arrested after court documents reveal she filed nearly a dozen false CPS reports against the father of her child.

Maria “Angie” Resio was arrested in Cameron County last week on a felony count of making a false report. According to court documents, Resio made ten reports to CPS over a span of five years of neglect, abuse and sexual abuse. Court papers state Resio, on several occasions, was verbally combative with CPS workers. According to court records, caseworkers found no evidence of abuse in Resio’s daughters case.

Except when it does…

For these men, being the product of a bad father is a convenient accusation against the women who not only threaten their power, but remind them just what good fatherhood can and does produce. I am a feminist because I had a father who taught me to believe in myself and my own humanity.

Objection. Assumes facts not in evidence.

What “power” does any given man hold that a woman does not?

And yes, Clem. Your father did fail you if he raised a daughter who bears false witness against others (see Ben Fordham) and believes in “her own humanity” but not the humanity of others.

I fight for a world in which the daughters of inadequate, hostile losers will know that they count and that dignity in their lives is also worth fighting for, a world where they don’t have to laugh along when men (including their fathers) say they’re “only good for one thing”, that “you can’t tell a woman with two black eyes something you haven’t told her twice already”, that rape is “surprise sex” and that women who argue against all of this are just “angry man-hating bitches” who “need a good dick up them to put them in place”.

Clem fights for a world in which women get to be the daughters of inadequate, hostile losers, i.e. the type of women VOLUNTARILY CHOOSE to lay down and have children with inadequate men unsuited to fatherhood.

Sorry Clem, but it’s 2015THE CURRENT YEAR. If daddy was a piece of shit, guess what? Mommy likes giving her pussy to pieces of shit, meaning that she is likely a piece of shit herself, if you’re guided by the idea that like attracts like. Daddy beats mommy? That’s the type of man mommy likes. Daddy spends mommy’s money on booze and drugs? That’s the type of man mommy likes. Daddy has kids all over town? That’s the type of man mommy likes.

Also, we (in America at least), are three generations in on men being raised primarily by women. If women were the all-knowing, all-loving purveyors of peace and civility that Feminists would have us believe they are, then their issue of “toxic” masculinity should be largely non-existent, or at least, diminished.

I fight for that world despite the roadblocks that these men keep trying to put up to slow me down, and I know which one of us their daughters will thank one day.

Don’t worry, daughters of inadequate, hostile mothers who fuck inadequate men. Clementine is fighting for a world in which you get to keep being the daughters of inadequate people.

Make sure to thank her appropriately.

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