Feminism, as I have often been reminded, means “equality.” Equality as such, creates in individuals the same rights and duties. With that in mind, Suzannah Weiss, late of Bustle, has created a helpful list of 7 things that Feminists do not owe men. With Feminism meaning “equality” this means that men, likewise, do not owe these things to Feminists.
Let’s enjoy them together.
1. Gentle Phrasing
When we talk about the oppression women, non-binary, and gender non-conforming people face primarily at the hands of (usually cisgender) men, we shouldn’t need to state that we’re not talking about all men or censor our anger so that men feel comfortable. The fact is that all men in our society have been socialized to assert power over women, and they’re not making any progress by absolving themselves of guilt.
When men talk about the fuckery of women, whether it be the Pareto Principle, hypergamy, divorce, alimony, parental alienation, faced primarily at the insistence of women and with the blessing of the State (the benefactor and beneficiary of Feminism) we shouldn’t need to state that we’re not talking about ALL women. The fact is that ALL women in our society have been socialized (by who?) to assert that men are obligated to aid them and they (women) are not making any progress towards equality by absolving themselves of guilt.
So when we say “AWALT,” shut the fuck up and stop complaining; we aren’t talking about all women. Just be quiet and stop trying to censor our anger in order to make you feel comfortable.
2. Inclusion in Female Spaces
Spaces solely for marginalized genders exist for an important reason: because many feel less safe and less free to discuss their experiences with cis men around. With only women, non-binary people, and gender non-conforming people listening, many are more comfortable talking about their oppression without worrying about men getting defensive, and many also feel less at risk for sexual assault or harassment (which, statistically, they are). Excluding cis men is not the same as excluding marginalized genders, because men’s voices are consistently heard outside these spaces.
Spaces solely for men exist for an important reason: because we have no duty to associate with you if we don’t want to. With only men listening, we can discuss whatever the fuck is wrong in our lives (usually in the form of a female), shoot the shit about what’s going on the world, or tell the off-color joke without fear of some woman whining about how her feelings have been hurt and go put on a pink pussy hat or some other irrational gesture of her outrage. Excluding women is not the same as excluding men, because, we typically don’t want to be in feminist spaces, but for some reason, feminists want to be in male spaces.
Probably because we’re just better.
3. Special Recognition
No, we don’t need an International Men’s Day or a Men in the Workplace group. Why? Because every day is their day and the world is their group. Designating events and organizations to elevate certain people doesn’t encourage inequality. Things are already unequal now, and such efforts exist to balance them out.
We don’t need an International Women’s Day or a Feminist fight club. Why? Because every day is their day and civilization is largely built for the comfort and leisure of their group. While Feminists complain mightily about the lack of women in C-suites, they are quiet as mice in church about the lack of women on the backs of garbage trucks, or on oil rigs, or in coal mines, or paying alimony, or paying child support. Things are already unequal now. Events recognizing the issues faced by men exist to balance things out.
4. Pats on the Back
Women bend over backwards for their men and men want a gold star for every little thing they do. Bye.
— xenu 👽 (@pineapplebabey) February 14, 2017
Yes, it’s great for men to be feminists, but it’s not noteworthy. It’s the decent thing to do, as is respecting sexual consent, taking care of children, and other behaviors that are often considered exceptional for men but shouldn’t be. Men should be working toward feminist causes because they believe in them, not for their personal gain.
Yes, women bend over backwards for THEIR men, i.e., the men that tickle that little nerve running from their lizard brains down to their vaginas. For those of you who are not THEIR men, you are indistinguishable from tissue paper. You are a utility, to be used and disgarded without complaint or even a nod to your existence.
Which why, as I have noted before, self-proclaimed “male feminists” fall into two categories: Quislings and Puppeteers.
5. Their Affections
This should really go without saying, but given how many men tout their feminism to get laid, it’s worth noting that nobody is entitled to sex or love from anyone. If you think women owe you their affections because you’re a “nice guy,” you’re actually not being nice at all. You’re being coercive.
What does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his soul? Likewise, what does it profit a man to acquire mediocre feminist pussy and lose his self-respect?
It’s funny that feminists are so terrified that a man would have the audacity to profane feminism in order to get access to their most valuable resource: Pussy. I refer back to my two categories: male feminists are either Quislings or Puppeteers. The Quislings actually believe they can buy pussy with “good boy points.” The Puppeteers (Hi, Hugo Schwyzer) can spit enough Feminist jargon to get past the bitch shields to the vagina. (Quislings and Puppeteers)
Women do not owe men sex or affection. Very well. Men do not owe women affection, or money, or time, or effort because she’s offering pussy. If she is using pussy, or the promise of pussy, she’s being coercive.
6. Leadership Roles
Men’s role in feminism shouldn’t be to decide what is best for women, non-binary, or gender non-conforming people. It should be to listen to them and spread their message to others, especially other men, who may not listen to oppressed genders. It makes sense that feminist organizations and movements would give leadership positions to the people whose voices are most important in feminism.
Feminism means equality. As in that state of “equality” women have no duty to listen to men, but men have a duty to listen to women.
Therefore, all things being equal, men have no duty to listen to women, but women have a duty to listen to men. It makes sense that organizations and movements give leadership positions to those best suited to leadership (who, strangely enough, usually end up being men). Probably because men understand that a leader can only lead so far without the consent and respect of his followers.
Since many cis men haven’t experienced sexism themselves, it’s understandable that they’d like to hear the perspectives of people who have. And usually, I’m more than happy to share them. But don’t ask us questions Google can answer for you (like “What is feminism?”). Don’t ask us to prove sexism exists with data when there’s already a ton out there (and doubting our own accounts is insulting). And don’t treat us as unpaid private tutors. We’ve got bigger things to worry about — like protecting our own bodily autonomy — than catering to people who already have every right and more.
“Onus probandi incumbit ei qui dicit.”
“The burden of the proof rests with the one who asserts.”
When a feminist asks why I am against feminism (which means “equality”) I have no duty to answer her question. All I have to say to is, “Google can answer for you.”
You see, I have no duty to explain myself to you. Under Feminism (which means equality) you should just believe what I say, as I say it, without any demonstration of my credibility or facts to support my assertions. Don’t ask me to prove misandry exists when there are tons of examples (and doubting me is insulting because my credibility should be beyond question). To ask me to prove my arguments is calling me an unpaid private tutor, despite the fact that I demand your labor, unpaid and unrecognized, in support of feminism.
We men have got bigger things to worry about, like protecting our own bodily autonomy. We simply don’t have time to cater to women who already have every right that men do, but demand more.
I feel more liberated already, not owing things to Feminists.